Sunday, August 24, 2014

When Motherhood Didn't Come Easy


During my teenage years I had always been pretty mature for my age. I started "working" when I was 12, I babysat an amazing little 3 year old girl who still to this day is very special to me. I babysat her every summer until I was about 16. Over those few years I had many other jobs too. I babysat other kiddos, cleaned houses privately, cleaned with a cleaning crew, waitressed, worked at a grocery store, a cell phone place, interned at an elementary school, took a class that involved working at a daycare, worked at another daycare and even took care of an elderly lady at night for a short while. I was a very mature and responsible adult even as a teenager. Believe it or not lol. I married my high school sweetheart two weeks after I turned 18, found out I was pregnant 8 months later and I became a mom at 19. That transition from just me depending on me to a little life depending on me was a dose of reality. I was used to working, I was used to responsibility, I was even used to taking care of kids!! So why was this transition so hard?? All of the jobs that I'd had before I could leave at the end of the shift and do my own thing. So I realized I had some selfishness...Now this little sweet precious baby depended on mommy and daddy for everything. I couldn't be selfish anymore. My hubby is an amazing man and Daddy. He has been from day one but he wasn't always home. His shifts are 24 hours long (sometimes longer). He's been working as a firefighter since two months before we were married. He was also still having to take a lot of classes for his job. So while he was on shift or in class it was just me and my little man. This life is what we chose even before we were married. I chose to be a stay at home mom and I knew my hubby's job would require him to be away sometimes. The transition was hard but for some reason it seemed to be very hard. I felt like I was in a cloud looking down at myself but the person I was looking at wasn't me. That person was crying too much and so so moody. She was pretty mean to her hubby too. She wasn't a happy person at all. I prayed a lot. I cried a lot. I didn't know what I was going through but my hubby knew something was up and took me to the doctor ( have I mentioned that he's amazing? Yeah, I thought so ) 
That was my turning point. I was diagnosed with Post-Partum Depression. The doc told me that I had a chemical imbalance from my pregnancy and childbirth experience. SO I got help from my doctor. The struggle was over. PPD is serious business. I was never suicidal and I never wanted to hurt my sweet baby but I know that if PPD gets bad enough that some mothers can get to that point. If you feel the way I felt or worse I encourage you to get help. There is absolutely no shame at all in getting help. That all sounds like it was a lifetime long...in reality this was the first 3 months of my little mans life...yep 3 months. After getting help from my doctor my motherhood experience turned around drastically. I was HAPPY and HAVING FUN as a mom :) I was a better wife and even the long shifts my hubby had to work turned into fun with my little man. Of course I still had hard days. That's just part of motherhood but the good days far outweigh the bad. I even wanted more kids! So when my little man was 8 months old...I found out I was pregnant again!!! We were so happy. The transition from one kiddo to two was surprisingly easy. Even though I had a newborn and a 17 month old it actually wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Hard, yes, but not even close to what I had imagined. I didn't go through PPD with my second lil man. He was an easy baby too. I even had a very easy pregnancy my second time around. Out of all 5 pregnancies it was my ONLY easy one lol. God knows what we can and can't handle. I really think he knew that I could handle the PPD the first time so that I could help and encourage other moms going through it later on. Without God and my hubby there's no way I could have handled it though.
One of my favorite Bible verses:
*Romans 8:28 KJV
[28] And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.*
All things. 
All things work together for good to them that love God. 
To me this is a promise. 
This is God telling me: no matter what you're going through I know what's going on and I promise by the end of it you'll see the good.
God is amazing. 
I don't know how some people live without him.
I had this on my heart today and I hope whoever is reading this and struggling knows that there's help. Just reach out. 
Talk to a friend. Pray. Go to the doctor. I encourage you to just get the help you need so you can feel better. Mentally or physically. There's NO SHAME in getting the help you NEED to lead a happy normal life :) 

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2 comments:

  1. Just wanted to let you know that this post is among the featured this week. It'll be pinned to pinterest and shared across social media.

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