What 9/11 Reminds Me As A Fire Wife

This time of year brings back memories for everyone in America in some way. Everyone remembers what they were doing when they found out about the tragedy of 9/11.

I was in middle school when my English teacher came to our room motioning for our 1st period teacher to come to the door. She was crying and my heart dropped to my stomach...I knew something wasn't right. Our teacher walked over to the tv in the corner of the room and turned on the news without saying a word. At that time they were saying that a small plane had hit one of the world trade centers. I saw lots of smoke and was trying to process what was going on, then a huge commotion came over the tv station as something else hit the second tower. We were all in shock over the next few hours after finding out what was really going on just trying to figure out in our middle school brains what all of this meant...Fast forward a few days and we know so many amazing people lost their lives on that horrible day. How many families were changed forever, how many lives would never be normal again, and how many heroes we watched come forward and how many heroes we lost. I look back at the middle school me and I don't remember ever considering what the families of all of the emergency personnel were going through or how many lives were lost by people that were running in to save people while others were running out, and all of the people just trying to help... All I knew was that people had to be hurting. I don't know what those that lost loved ones felt like, I honestly hope and pray everyday that I never will. 9/11 anniversaries look a lot different to me now than they did in the first few years following the tragedy. I mourned with the rest of America, I was enraged at the terrorists, had pride for my country and prayed hard for the shattered lives of the ones that survived and the friends and families of the ones that lost loved ones. Then in 2004 I started dating my husband. I never in a million years thought I would be married to a firefighter but now that I am I have a glimpse into the everyday lives of those fire families before 9/11. I am a Fire Wife. A proud wife of an amazing Fire Captain. He has been a firefighter for 12 1/2 years now ( volunteer first for a few years and professional now )  Firefighting isn't a job, it's a lifestyle. It's a calling. It takes a special breed of people to do what they do and see what they see on a day to day basis. It takes over every aspect of their life. They train to be better at their jobs for their entire lives. The classes don't stop. They learn how to stay safer, how to do their jobs better, and how to keep the communities and people they serve safer. They come home sick as dogs after a bad fire and sometimes bring sickness home after a medical call. Every call is a learning experience, every day at the station they learn something. They are firefighters when they get home too, they counsel and are counseled by their friends after bad calls and they are shoulders for one another to lean on. When you're married to a firefighter you become a part of that lifestyle. The guys/girls at the station become your family. They are your kids aunts and uncles. We see them more than we see our biological families. We love them. We celebrate with them and we cry with them. Every time I see my hubby off to work there's this nagging little feeling of dread that hangs out in the back of my head that knows there's a possibility that something could happen. I choose to ignore it, lock it in the vault in the back of my mind, hug him a little tighter for a little longer and trust that God will bring him home and take care of him while he's gone. I'm also an imperfect person, which means I have on more than one occasion went into panic mode when I don't get an "I'm ok" text or call...and also have on more than one occasion shouted and jumped for joy once I did. Being a fire spouse isn't easy. We try to completely ignore that bad things happening to the ones we love and chose to spend our lives with are even possible. We spend holidays, anniversaries, birthdays and many other occasions alone. We  endure the 24's, 48's, 72's or longer shifts alone. We try to pick up the pieces and make life happy again after bad calls. We feel a little like a single parent during those long shifts...but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I'm married to my hero. I'm known as "caps wife" to many and I love to be called that. I hold every day we get to spend together a little tighter in my heart. Sure our lives are normal everyday lives most of the time but the simple things are held tighter in our hearts because we know that every day together is a gift from God and God is good. This time of year every year as a fire family we attend remembrance services and watch documentaries. We are reminded of the tragedy that happened and sobered by the obvious dangers that being a firefighter entails but most of all we appreciate one more day with our heroes, love on them a little more, pray a little harder and then shove all of those bad thoughts that make us uneasy back into that vault we fire wives keep locked in the back of our minds. Right now I'm on vacation with my sweet hubby and 5 amazing babies. Firefighting is on the back burner for a minute ( not ignored by any means, the guys still text and talk to one another no matter where we are lol ) but for now we are enjoying our time together as a family. For a few days I'm not sharing him with the station ;)

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