What 9/11 Reminds Me As A Fire Wife

This time of year brings back memories for everyone in America in some way. Everyone remembers what they were doing when they found out about the tragedy of 9/11.

I was in middle school when my English teacher came to our room motioning for our 1st period teacher to come to the door. She was crying and my heart dropped to my stomach...I knew something wasn't right. Our teacher walked over to the tv in the corner of the room and turned on the news without saying a word. At that time they were saying that a small plane had hit one of the world trade centers. I saw lots of smoke and was trying to process what was going on, then a huge commotion came over the tv station as something else hit the second tower. We were all in shock over the next few hours after finding out what was really going on just trying to figure out in our middle school brains what all of this meant...Fast forward a few days and we know so many amazing people lost their lives on that horrible day. How many families were changed forever, how many lives would never be normal again, and how many heroes we watched come forward and how many heroes we lost. I look back at the middle school me and I don't remember ever considering what the families of all of the emergency personnel were going through or how many lives were lost by people that were running in to save people while others were running out, and all of the people just trying to help... All I knew was that people had to be hurting. I don't know what those that lost loved ones felt like, I honestly hope and pray everyday that I never will. 9/11 anniversaries look a lot different to me now than they did in the first few years following the tragedy. I mourned with the rest of America, I was enraged at the terrorists, had pride for my country and prayed hard for the shattered lives of the ones that survived and the friends and families of the ones that lost loved ones. Then in 2004 I started dating my husband. I never in a million years thought I would be married to a firefighter but now that I am I have a glimpse into the everyday lives of those fire families before 9/11. I am a Fire Wife. A proud wife of an amazing Fire Captain. He has been a firefighter for 12 1/2 years now ( volunteer first for a few years and professional now )  Firefighting isn't a job, it's a lifestyle. It's a calling. It takes a special breed of people to do what they do and see what they see on a day to day basis. It takes over every aspect of their life. They train to be better at their jobs for their entire lives. The classes don't stop. They learn how to stay safer, how to do their jobs better, and how to keep the communities and people they serve safer. They come home sick as dogs after a bad fire and sometimes bring sickness home after a medical call. Every call is a learning experience, every day at the station they learn something. They are firefighters when they get home too, they counsel and are counseled by their friends after bad calls and they are shoulders for one another to lean on. When you're married to a firefighter you become a part of that lifestyle. The guys/girls at the station become your family. They are your kids aunts and uncles. We see them more than we see our biological families. We love them. We celebrate with them and we cry with them. Every time I see my hubby off to work there's this nagging little feeling of dread that hangs out in the back of my head that knows there's a possibility that something could happen. I choose to ignore it, lock it in the vault in the back of my mind, hug him a little tighter for a little longer and trust that God will bring him home and take care of him while he's gone. I'm also an imperfect person, which means I have on more than one occasion went into panic mode when I don't get an "I'm ok" text or call...and also have on more than one occasion shouted and jumped for joy once I did. Being a fire spouse isn't easy. We try to completely ignore that bad things happening to the ones we love and chose to spend our lives with are even possible. We spend holidays, anniversaries, birthdays and many other occasions alone. We  endure the 24's, 48's, 72's or longer shifts alone. We try to pick up the pieces and make life happy again after bad calls. We feel a little like a single parent during those long shifts...but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I'm married to my hero. I'm known as "caps wife" to many and I love to be called that. I hold every day we get to spend together a little tighter in my heart. Sure our lives are normal everyday lives most of the time but the simple things are held tighter in our hearts because we know that every day together is a gift from God and God is good. This time of year every year as a fire family we attend remembrance services and watch documentaries. We are reminded of the tragedy that happened and sobered by the obvious dangers that being a firefighter entails but most of all we appreciate one more day with our heroes, love on them a little more, pray a little harder and then shove all of those bad thoughts that make us uneasy back into that vault we fire wives keep locked in the back of our minds. Right now I'm on vacation with my sweet hubby and 5 amazing babies. Firefighting is on the back burner for a minute ( not ignored by any means, the guys still text and talk to one another no matter where we are lol ) but for now we are enjoying our time together as a family. For a few days I'm not sharing him with the station ;)

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When Motherhood Didn't Come Easy

During my teenage years I had always been pretty mature for my age. I started "working" when I was 12, I babysat an amazing little 3 year old girl who still to this day is very special to me. I babysat her every summer until I was about 16. Over those few years I had many other jobs too. I babysat other kiddos, cleaned houses privately, cleaned with a cleaning crew, waitressed, worked at a grocery store, a cell phone place, interned at an elementary school, took a class that involved working at a daycare, worked at another daycare and even took care of an elderly lady at night for a short while. I was a very mature and responsible adult even as a teenager. Believe it or not lol. I married my high school sweetheart two weeks after I turned 18, found out I was pregnant 8 months later and I became a mom at 19. That transition from just me depending on me to a little life depending on me was a dose of reality. I was used to working, I was used to responsibility, I was even used to taking care of kids!! So why was this transition so hard?? All of the jobs that I'd had before I could leave at the end of the shift and do my own thing. So I realized I had some selfishness...Now this little sweet precious baby depended on mommy and daddy for everything. I couldn't be selfish anymore. My hubby is an amazing man and Daddy. He has been from day one but he wasn't always home. His shifts are 24 hours long (sometimes longer). He's been working as a firefighter since two months before we were married. He was also still having to take a lot of classes for his job. So while he was on shift or in class it was just me and my little man. This life is what we chose even before we were married. I chose to be a stay at home mom and I knew my hubby's job would require him to be away sometimes. The transition was hard but for some reason it seemed to be very hard. I felt like I was in a cloud looking down at myself but the person I was looking at wasn't me. That person was crying too much and so so moody. She was pretty mean to her hubby too. She wasn't a happy person at all. I prayed a lot. I cried a lot. I didn't know what I was going through but my hubby knew something was up and took me to the doctor ( have I mentioned that he's amazing? Yeah, I thought so ) 

That was my turning point. I was diagnosed with Post-Partum Depression. The doc told me that I had a chemical imbalance from my pregnancy and childbirth experience. SO I got help from my doctor. The struggle was over. PPD is serious business. I was never suicidal and I never wanted to hurt my sweet baby but I know that if PPD gets bad enough that some mothers can get to that point. If you feel the way I felt or worse I encourage you to get help. There is absolutely no shame at all in getting help. That all sounds like it was a lifetime long...in reality this was the first 3 months of my little mans life...yep 3 months. After getting help from my doctor my motherhood experience turned around drastically. I was HAPPY and HAVING FUN as a mom :) I was a better wife and even the long shifts my hubby had to work turned into fun with my little man. Of course I still had hard days. That's just part of motherhood but the good days far outweigh the bad. I even wanted more kids! So when my little man was 8 months old...I found out I was pregnant again!!! We were so happy. The transition from one kiddo to two was surprisingly easy. Even though I had a newborn and a 17 month old it actually wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Hard, yes, but not even close to what I had imagined. I didn't go through PPD with my second lil man. He was an easy baby too. I even had a very easy pregnancy my second time around. Out of all 5 pregnancies it was my ONLY easy one lol. God knows what we can and can't handle. I really think he knew that I could handle the PPD the first time so that I could help and encourage other moms going through it later on. Without God and my hubby there's no way I could have handled it though.

One of my favorite Bible verses:

*Romans 8:28 KJV

[28] And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.*

All things. 

All things work together for good to them that love God. 

To me this is a promise. 

This is God telling me: no matter what you're going through I know what's going on and I promise by the end of it you'll see the good.

God is amazing. 

I don't know how some people live without him.

I had this on my heart today and I hope whoever is reading this and struggling knows that there's help. Just reach out. 

Talk to a friend. Pray. Go to the doctor. I encourage you to just get the help you need so you can feel better. Mentally or physically. There's NO SHAME in getting the help you NEED to lead a happy normal life :) 

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Meal Time Sanity Part 1: Breakfast

As a wife and stay-at-home mom of 5 who homeschools, I have 7 people ( including myself ) that rely on me to cook or put together...every meal...every snack...every day...the only exceptions are when hubby works his shifts at the station ( and I sometimes cook food and send it even then ), when we occasionally eat out, or when we eat with friends or family. Needless to say I spend A LOT of time in my kitchen...don't get me started on how many dishes I do ;) 

So I'm going to share with you how I make meal times around my house a little less crazy for me. I  will have a separate post on lunches then on suppers...if you aren't from the south you may call supper: dinner ;) Dinner in the south can either mean lunch or supper...ANYWAY...Today I'm going to share with you how I make breakfast time easier, and I NEED easy mornings :) I'm not a cheery, or even fully awake human most mornings. Coffee is my friend. With a lot of creamer. I'm pale, my coffee needs to match me :)

Breakfasts are always pretty simple on school mornings. Our normal monthly rotation is: oatmeal, cereal, bagels with cream cheese, yogurt with a banana, smoothies with toast, and twice a month I resort to poptarts...yeah I said it ;) Some days I'm feeling super ambitious and try a new Pinterest recipe...but when you're a zombie in the mornings that doesn't happen very often ;) On days that daddy wakes up with us at home and doesn't have to go to the station we have brunches. To fire families these days are basically what 9-5rs call weekends. We only have "normal" weekends when his shifts off actually fall on the entire weekend, which is rare. I love those mornings, we don't have school on most of those days so we all sleep late. Then when we do get up we stay in our PJ's turn on some bluegrass and head to the kitchen. Hubby and I cook breakfast together while the kiddos play. We usually cook a variation of eggs with bacon or sausage and toast but sometimes we make waffles, or pancakes with homemade strawberry or blueberry syrup.

 ( YUM ) 

Back to making school mornings easy:

Obviously most meals are grab and go making them SUPER easy.

My biggest time saver when making oatmeal is making it with a little help from my tea pot. I fill up and put my full teapot of water on the stove, then I set out my bowls in an assembly line manner and add 1/2 cup of plain one minute oats to them along with a little sugar and butter or maple syrup, whichever kind the kiddos want that morning ( the variations are endless ) Once my water is boiling I add enough of it to each bowl to get the right consistency and stir. Done. Easy. The boiling water cooks the oats right then and there. It's awesome. We do our morning chores while we wait for the water to boil and the oats to cool. I start my dishwater for the kids to put their bowls in after they finish so I don't have hard crusty dried oatmeal to chisel off of the bowls  if I'm not able to wash them right after breakfast...and news flash: I have a toddler and a 3 month old SO that pretty much never happens :) Hence: the reason I know that oatmeal gets hard and crusty and has to be chiseled ;) if you don't have a teapot you can boil a pot of water and ladle the water into the bowls. This also works with oatmeal packets.

I put bowls, spoons and cups on the table the night before to save even more time for oatmeal and cereal. For quick smoothies I do some prep ahead of time. I peel over ripe bananas and put them in a plastic baggie, I also wash and put whole frozen strawberries in baggies too ( tops=extra vitamins and less prep ) I buy whatever other kinds of fresh or frozen fruit I can find that is either on sale or reduced and can be frozen. I add a Greek yogurt and either milk or juice and sometimes some fresh fruit or carrots to the frozen fruit and blend in my ninja pulse ( those things are well worth the money...this statement is coming from a very frugal woman ) I serve these with toast ( whatever variation that the kiddos want that morning ). Basically I just keep breakfast simple. Simple=quick. My post on lunches is next, I have a few more tricks up my sleeve for lunches :) 

I love hearing from you :) leave me some feedback if you want. Follow me and share too if you like. You can do both by going to the web version of my blog, navigating to the bottom of the page and clicking the widgets :) Have a great rest of the day!

Just an Introduction :)

So, this is my first attempt at telling people about my -unique to some but normal to others- crazy life as a homeschooling-stay-at-home-momma of five kiddos under the age of 8, and fire wife of ( almost ) 9 years. I am married to my best friend and he is my high school sweetheart. He works as a Captain at a Fire Department a county over from us and he is an EMT-I for the same county. He runs medical calls along with Fire calls. He volunteers with our local fire department and teaches classes and training on the side as well. Yeah, he is my Hero ;) My kiddos are amazing...and crazy...and wild...and very very different from one another. They range in age from 2 months to 7 years old. I homeschool my two oldest boys ( 7 and 5 ) who are exactly 17 months apart in age. I also have a ( just turned ) 4 year old and an 18 month old ( who is also 17 months older than his little sister ) My husband works a CRAZY schedule. He doesn't get holidays or weekends off unless his shift is already scheduled to be off. He works 24 hour shifts and some shifts are 48 hours or longer...so that leaves only me :) and 5 kiddos on a normal basis...which can be a little insane sometimes BUT I wouldn't trade it for the world. My life as a fire wife gives me a unique view of life. How precious it is, how fast it can change or be over and how amazing each day God gives us is. Oh, and that's the most important part of me, I am a saved by grace Christian who lives for and loves God with all her heart. If you don't like my viewpoint that's ok but your opinions won't change mine :) I love every second of the life God has given me and my family, even if at times it gets stressful ( and BELIEVE me it does ) I am blessed beyond measure. As a stay-at-home momma and wife with a household of  7 to manage I try my best to stretch every dollar that my hubby brings home to us and I do the best stretching with our grocery bill. I love to coupon, follow sales and make a meal plan in order to do so. I am by no means an "extreme couponer" nor will I ever be. I don't go to 10 different stores to chase deals either. I normally go to 3 stores TOPS when shopping. I don't have time to be crazy in that department lol. Which stores I go to depends on which town I'm shopping in that week. We are kind of in the middle of 2 towns so where we go also depends on what errands we are having to run. I LOVE to cook. I try my best to love to clean ;) and around here there's ALWAYS cooking and cleaning to be done ;) Fall is my favorite season and I'm obsessed with the 1950's...thats my introduction. I hope you enjoyed it and I will be posting more about my crazy life soon so if you want to hear about it go ahead and follow me :)